Hubby and I have been married for nearly 10 years, and with 2 young children our lives are very hectic. We both work, but he travels an hour each way, so he’s out of the house as I’m getting out of bed.
Our evenings are a blur of activity. 2 or 3 nights a week Son goes to karate, so I get home, feed the kids, and send Son and Hubby on their way. They get home, the kids go to bed, then we have a few hours until I head to bed. Those are the hours we have for everything else – cleaning, packing lunches, laundry, computer time, TV time, reading, etc. The nights that Son doesn’t have karate Hubby usually works later and gets home about the same time as the kids are going to bed.
After everything is done, I’m tired. He’s tired. And we aren’t doing the things we used to do. Sometimes we don’t “talk” for a week. I end up texting him to figure out our weekend plans.
We recently had a long talk about finding time to spend together. I am resisting my instant reaction of feeling pulled in every direction. I have a distinct memory from when my daughter was a few months old. Hubby and I were, um, spending “quality” time together when my daughter woke up hungry. So I left Hubby to nurse Daughter, and in that moment, all I felt was used. Hubby wanted me for extra curricular activities, Daughter wanted me for food, and all I wanted – and needed – was sleep. But instead of doing what I wanted, what I needed, I was taking care of everyone else. I swear, in that moment, I wished I could take off the various body parts everyone else wanted, hand them over and collapse into bed.
So fast forward several years later, and I’m trying to find a balance. I want to spend time with Hubby. But I also need to work, need to make lunches, need to do laundry, need to clean. These are all things that are required of me. It’s easy to just collapse into the couch for an hour then drag myself to bed. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to find time for my husband, time for us. Our kids are getting older, and although that means more commitments for us all, it also means we are able to do more things as a family. Daughter can skip a nap now and then. She can keep up if we take a walk. We have more opportunities to spend quality time together as a family.
My goal is to improve my relationship with my husband. I could complain about the millions of directions I feel pulled to, but I’d rather pick a direction. After all, we choose to be married and we choose parents. We’ve already picked the direction.