I Have Successfully Lost…

5 pounds! Yay me! I have struggled with my weight over the past year and a half. It started when I had my gallbladder removed in November of 2009 (or, more accurately, while I wasn’t feeling well in the months prior). I was at my Weight Watchers goal weight until about this time. My doctors originally thought I had a stomach ulcer, so nothing acidic or spicy was allowed. As it got worse, it hurt when I ate. I was miserable. So I turned to comfort food. After feeling bad, hurting, and not really being able to eat most fruits or anything I liked, I had had it. So, pasta became a main staple. Pasta and cheese.

I didn’t do too bad until my gallbladder was removed because I wasn’t able to eat a lot. But then, THEN, I could eat and it DIDN’T hurt! It was great! Then came my birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years… I gained 10 pounds. And that’s pretty much the weight I’m at now. I had gained a few more of the course of the year. I just couldn’t get my mind back into the Weight Watchers mentality. Honestly, I was hungry before. I turned down things I really wanted. I showed incredible will power for a year. I literally couldn’t do it any more.

So I did a decent job on maintaining it, creeping up 5 pounds and then creeping back down. I have yoyoed those 5 pounds over and over again, except during the holidays when I actually went up a few more.

During this time I kept going to my meetings, although I admit I was too embarrassed to stay. See, I’m a Lifetime Member, but I went over my goal weight. That made (and still makes) me feel like a failure. All the work I put in before was trashed in 2 months. I felt like a bad roll model. I didn’t feel right sitting in a meeting as a Lifetime Member who blew past her goal weight like that. So every month I dutifully weighed in and paid my $11 for being over my goal weight. Then left.

I thought about quitting. I really, really did. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself be a total failure. So I kept weighing in and forking over the cash. I am glad I did, because when they unveiled their new Points Plus system, I was intrigued. I’ve been following it loosely for a few months, but two weeks ago I decided to get serious. I need to get back down. I hate being this weight. I’m tired of feeling like a huge failure who simply couldn’t lose 15 pounds. It’s not like I gained 100 pounds, just about 15. It’s a reasonable amount to lose.

I like the new system. I don’t lose points when I lose weight (which always made every 10 pounds bitter sweet). Fruit is now 0 points, which has made the biggest difference. I can now have a sandwich and fruit for lunch and it’s a reasonable amount of points. I’m also no longer starving in the afternoon, which I used to be. My morning snacks are a cheese stick and fruit. I’m eating better because I’m not choosing between 100 calorie pack and a banana. Because before, the Cheez-Its won. The only think I’m not crazy about is that anything with carbs went up in points. A LOT. So that’s been an adjustment.

The first week, I started tracking like crazy. I even exercised! That earned me 4 pounds down the first week. This week, halfway through, I’m down another pound and hoping to keep it up (or down?). Exercise hasn’t happened yet this week (being back to work full-time and having the kids back make it very hard for me to find time when I’m not exhausted). But it’s a good start. I’m hoping to keep it up. No, scratch that, I’m going to keep it up. Because I refuse to let myself buy clothes until I reach my goal weight. And I really want to go shopping!

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